“Diary Of A Dreamer” features the REAL DIARY of a Dreamer’s life at the age of 20.

I’m starting to get the hang of everyone at work. I felt like it took me forever. Everyone knows I was in a pageant, and even though I lost, they seem to like the fact that I did it. Yea, at least I did it, right? I guess. I have a good friend at work. His name is Jon. He is great. He accepts that I’m new to the city and new to all these experience. He doesn’t mind that I’m a fish out of water and he lets me be me. I like him a lot. He seems so damn happy all the time. Its good to be that happy. I appreciate him. I really do.

He lives in Queens. On top of a church. It cool that he has his own place. I wish I did. He lets me stay over and he gave me my own little drawer for my tooth brush, and my own wash clothe. I love him. No, not in that way. Jon is gay. But I love him. I hope all his dreams come true. He loved music so whenever I’m around he talks to me about CDs. Beyonce is his favorite, mine too, but he LOVES her. Its cute how much he loves her. He’s obsessed with music, but if you ask him he will say he loves fashion. I like him because I don’t have to talk. He does all the talking. But I told him about Mark and Andrew, and how I loved them both but far differently. He told me about his loves, his life, and his thoughts.

He even let me read his journal. This journal is AMAZING. I never read anything like it before. Every detail… so neatly spelled out.

We bond over the fact that I have a crush. I think I developed this crush out of boredom. But its another Andrew. Whats the odds of that! He works with us so the crush is convenient. Andrew is cute, in a corny way. He has a skateboard. I mean, a skateboard? But whatever, hes cute and I’m lonely. Jon loves that I have this crush. He even told me the soundtrack to it. Its Ciara’s CD, especially the song ‘Crush’. I love that I have a song.

But Andrew is easy on the eyes and God knows I’m ready to just be in love again. Jon says that Andrew has a girlfriend. My luck, right? Oh well…..

This one guy stopped me while I was walking around at lunch. Asked to take me out. Hes so old. But maybe if I dated him I wouldn’t have to work. He would pay for my portfolio to be done, and I could have nice clothes?

I know it’s a bad idea, but this is life in NYC is nothing like what I thought it would be. Ugh, why do I have a conscious? I know I can’t do it. I know it. But I wish I just would. I wish I could.

I cant even have a crush because he has a girlfriend! My work, school, home routine is becoming to monotonous.

Oh I forgot to mention, I went to my first casting! NOTHING like you could imagine. I heard about it through Alexa so I stopped in. It was for Baby Phat. Ok so you walk in and it’s a group of girls sitting down. Not pretty girls. Just girls. Oh yea, there was the one girl from Project Runway there. Everyone else is just blank faces I’ve never seen. I waited for like an hour before my name was called. I was so nervous and everyone was staring at me. They all knew eachother. They were all older.

I went in and guess who the judge was? Miss J! From top model. He was there with this other guy I recognized but I don’t know his name. They asked me my agency and I told them I just heard about it so I stopped in. The other guy seemed so pissed with that answer. So he pressed who I got it from. I told him I overheard about it at Alexa’s agency. He said, well do you want to be a stylist or a model. I said ‘model’. Duh, I’m sitting here, right? Well anyway, he asked if I had a portfolio. I knew I had the worst portfolio imaginable but I did had one. He looked through the pictures and seemed displeased by them… and me for that matter. ‘Who did I think I was to come in on his casting?’ was the exact look he had. Doesn’t he know I was just trying to make it.

Miss J was far more accepting of me. Thank God because I was mortified. He took me in the hall and asked me to walk. I walked. He said do it again. I did it again. I think he liked it. I was estatic. He told me to walk again but have longer steps. I did. He pulled me to the side of the hallway. He looked me dead in my eyes he said to me to have less make up on next time, pull my hair back, and do the last walk that I did. My eyes watered with complete gratefulness. Someone told me what to do. He thought enough of me to share what I did wrong, politely, so that I have a chance next time. I wanted to hug him. But I knew he knew I was appreciative. I knew he believed in me.

When I’m in a position of power, that’s how I will act. Exactly like that. What did the other guy get from being a dick? Nada. Doesn’t take much to be kind and take a second with people. But me jumping in on his thing annoyed him… obviously.

I walked out knowing I didn’t get it, but knowing that I was believed in enough to get a lesson. Everything matters. My mom was so excited that day.

I ended up attending four fashion week shows for the first time. The tents just make the city magical. Damn I love it. This is all I wanted!